How to Fight the Holiday Blues
Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year . . . “
“Over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother’s house we go . . . “
“I’ll be home for Christmas . . . ”
Do you remember those traditional Christmas carols—the ones that evoke all kinds of emotions for those of us living abroad, on the other side of the world, far from our family and friends?
These old, familiar tunes can take us on an emotional roller coaster ride between sweet and sorrowful.
Yes, it’s that time of year. The end of the year holidays and festivities are upon us once again.
Many of us, however, may look around and not see any visible evidence that “Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat . . .”
If you live in North Africa, or another part of the world where Christmas isn’t widely celebrated, it can be difficult to get into the Christmas spirit.
It can actually be quite lonely.
A Lonely and Quiet Holiday
Thanksgiving this year was lonely for my family.
I realize that not everyone celebrates Thanksgiving, but some of us do.
It’s strange. These national holidays really bring to surface my deep cultural roots. I don’t feel American every day. However, when the 4th of July comes around, or Thanksgiving, I suddenly feel myself pulled back again to my origins, back to my passport country, back to my family and friends.
Perhaps you have a similar experience when your national holidays roll around each year.
Just arriving in our new host country not too long ago, we didn’t have anyone to celebrate Thanksgiving with. We couldn’t even find what we needed to make turkey and pumpkin pie.
We felt cut off from our community and from our traditions.
It took some serious intentionality to try to make the holiday special and to remember our traditions.
My husband and I, along with our children, sat around the table. We enjoyed our meal and then went around the table to say at least one thing for which we were grateful to God.
But, it still felt lonely.
Loneliness affects many of those living away from home
See Beyond has put together a free infographic with information on loneliness and how it may be affecting you.
Disappointment and Discouragement at Christmas
Christmas is just around the corner. We had high hopes of having family come to visit us during the holidays. However, they had to cancel their trip due to the COVID-19 travel restrictions. Many of you can probably tell similar stories.
We are alone.
Our hopes and dreams of fun family holidays got dashed to the ground. We are vividly reminded of the loss of family and friends that we traditionally have with us to celebrate this special holiday. This year, we don’t.
Unmet expectations, disappointment, loneliness, discouragement . . .
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic restrictions, we can’t even gather with expat friends here for the holidays.
We had planned a big team Christmas party with our work colleagues, but we had to cancel.
Disappointment.
Yes, holidays can be lonely . . . especially this year.
“For people who feel lonely already, the holidays can be especially stressful because they’re seeing people connect and sharing time with their loved ones, which makes their own experience of isolation even more pronounced and excruciating,” says Kory Floyd, Ph.D., a professor in the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Arizona and author of The Loneliness Cure: Six Strategies for Finding Real Connections in Your Life.
If you are single and living abroad, it can be even lonelier.
How to Fight the Holiday Blues?
So, what can we do to fight this loneliness?
1. Stay connected to local friends and colleagues.
If you’re lonely, chances are there are other lonely people nearby. Find a few others and gather together to celebrate and to be “family” to each other on the other side of the world.
2. Stay connected to family and friends on the other side of the world.
While preparing our Thanksgiving dinner, I chatted with my mother on FaceTime. I propped the phone up on the kitchen cabinet and talked to her while I cooked. It wasn’t the same thing as being with her last year to prepare our big Thanksgiving feast together, but staying connected to her at that moment fed my soul.
Call and send holiday wishes. Although, keep your use of technology to a minimum, as it can feed and intensify our feelings of loneliness and isolation.
3. Talk openly to others about your feelings.
Tell friends and family openly that you miss them. Talk to others around you about your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Perhaps your honesty will lead to some good conversations with others. Don't hide your feelings.
Sometimes just telling your story to an empathetic listener can bring release and healing.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
4. Keep family and cultural traditions alive.
This year, like every year, for Thanksgiving and Christmas, my grandmother’s “Creamed Corn Casserole” will adorn our dining room table. It’s a family tradition. On Thanksgiving, just like every year, we put up our Christmas tree and decorated the house. Christmas Eve, just like every year, we will make and decorate cut-out sugar cookies. The list goes on and on.
We have to intentionally keep our family and cultural traditions—even if we have to adapt them to local ingredients and supplies.
I had to learn how to make homemade “creamed” corn for my grandmother’s casserole, because they don’t have it in cans in the local grocery stores.
If your family tradition is to sit around the fire on Christmas Eve, and you don’t have a fireplace in your house in North Africa, project a YouTube video of a crackling fire to create that same ambiance.
5.Create new holiday traditions.
Find some new holiday music to enjoy. Try the traditional music from your host country. Here’s one that’s called “Moroccan Christmas.” Explore local foods and choose one to add to your special holiday meal—maybe one that you can take back to your passport country when you go visit. Play a new family game. Go on a hike. Do something new and different that you can adopt year after year.
6. Share your holidays with others.
“If you haven’t been invited to a holiday dinner and are feeling bad about it, make your own—invite a neighbor or a friend you know is also alone,” says Stephanie Fairyington from Thrive Global.
We can look around for those to include in our celebrations. If you are a family, perhaps there is a single expat in the area who feels even lonelier than you do. Invite him or her along! Perhaps there are local friends who have never experienced the joy of your holiday season. We can include them in our family celebrations and allow them to experience the cultural and family side of our holidays.
7. Engage in some new and creative activities.
Take advantage of your extra time off of school or work for the holidays. Volunteer at a charity organization—hospital or orphanage, start a new hobby, work on a fun project, read a new book, watch some funny movies, laugh, join a gym or a club. . .
“Spend the day doing something that fires up your imagination (try your hand at coloring or journaling), excites your intellect (read a new book), challenges your physical strength.”
“Do something you find so engaging and interesting (and fun) you don’t even think about things like loneliness because you are feeling something positive instead,” Dr. Bella DePaulo says, a leading scholar of singlism (the social stigmatization of people who are single) at the University of California, Santa Barbara and author of Alone.
8. Be grateful.
Try keeping a gratitude journal. At the end of the day, make a list of everything for which you can be thankful.
Keeping our minds focused on the positive and life-giving aspects of our lives can keep us from spiraling downward into discouragement and depression during this holiday season.
Photo by Filip Gielda on Unsplash
What About You?
Yes, the holidays are coming. What about you? How are you feeling? Is loneliness starting to creep up on you as you face the reality that your friends and family are celebrating on the other side of the globe?
What can you do to start fighting loneliness before it sets in this season?
Be intentional—connect with others, keep your holiday traditions alive, find some new traditions and activities, round up others (expats and local friends) to celebrate with, be grateful.
“I’ll be home for Christmas . . . “
Well, maybe not.
“I’ll be home for Christmas . . . if only in my dreams.”
This Christmas, I might not be “home” with my family and friends. However, I can learn to find joy and contentment in this season as I accept my new place and life on the beautiful “other side of the world.”
To get you started, here’s a modern version of some classical Christmas songs and fun song, “Moroccan Christmas.”