How to Keep 'Locked In' Kids Happy and Healthy
Little did I know how our lives were about to change. How could I have known?
The phone rang. The school called. Starting tomorrow and for the unforeseeable future, our kids’ school would be closed. It was the first drastic measure taken by the national government to halt the rapid spread of COVID-19 in the country.
At first, it was for a 15-day period. Then, we got a second call telling us that the lockdown would extend through mid-April. A third call followed shortly. Now, it was until the beginning of May. We were in this for the long-haul.
My heart stopped beating momentarily when I heard the news.
“Uh oh, you know what that means, right?” I said to my husband sitting in the living room.
“Yep, we have the kids home with us for awhile,” he answered with a nervous grin.
“It will be like summer vacation, but without summer and without vacation,” I said. “Not fun.”
The shocking news didn’t only inform us that our kids would be home with us for the next few weeks or months. The school also announced that we would be doing a structured, online school program with all of our kids.
“Great, homeschool.” I whispered to myself.
How Would We Survive?
Thankfully, much of our work is online, so we could carry on with most of our job responsibilities. However, how were we going to manage our full-time workload, increased family responsibilities, and homeschooling? More importantly, how could we keep ourselves and our kids healthy and happy during our quarantine?
How would our family survive this?
Let’s Ask the Expert!
As a part of See Beyond’s diverse and trained staff, we have Maureen Neihart, Psy.D. Dr. Maureen is a licensed child psychologist, with more than thirty years of experience working with children and their families. She is the author or editor of five books, including The Social and Emotional Development of Gifted Children: What Do We Know?
We think you’ll find our interview with Dr. Maureen helpful.
See Beyond:
Dr. Maureen, during these challenging days, what do our kids need most from us?
Dr. Maureen:
There are two important principles that provide clear guidance for us in these challenging times. The first is: Structure, Structure, Structure! Kids do best when life is predictable and boundaries are clear.
The second principle is this: Kids take their cues from their parents. Kids have a special radar that is always keeping track of how their parents are doing. The younger the children, the more sensitive that radar is. This means that when parents are doing well, kids generally are too. And when parents struggle to cope, so do the children. Parents should have a plan for their own self-care, as well as their children’s.
See Beyond:
What makes structure so important for kids during this time?
Dr. Maureen:
Predictable schedules and routines help kids feel secure and help them to learn how to manage themselves. One of the challenges of the pandemic is that we must all create new routines for ourselves and our families. The sooner these are put in place, the better off kids will be.
See Beyond:
How does the age of the child affect the need for structure?
Dr. Maureen:
The younger the children are, the more they need their parents to provide structure. Teenagers do not need their parents as much to create those predictable routines for them. They can do a lot on their own with little parental guidance. With older children, parents should put some broad boundaries in place such as keeping to a set schedule for bedtimes, meals, and certain activities.
See Beyond:
Practically speaking, what structures do you recommend that we put into place?
Dr. Maureen:
Maintain your usual routines as much as you can.
Consider creating a schedule that alternates work, play, and quiet transition breaks for each child. This can help kids manage anxieties and meltdowns.
Be strict about screen time, especially for younger children.
Set a timer so kids know when activities are about to begin or end. Predictability will reduce your children’s stress.
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
See Beyond:
What resources would you suggest to help us start putting these practical structures in place?
Dr. Maureen:
I’m so glad you asked! As a psychologist, my inbox is flooding with lists of wonderful free resources. I am very happy to share some of them with you here.
The Center for Disease Control has some very helpful suggestions for ways to keep to predictable routines and boundaries.
Parent Magazine offers practical tips on how to manage everything while you’re working online.
Expert advice on managing screen time and social distancing with children under age 6 is offered here.
See Beyond:
Great! Thank you for these excellent resources. I can’t wait to check them out!
In addition to good structure, what can we do to make this scary time less scary for our kids?
Dr. Maureen:
As anyone knows who has been trained in first aid, the first step in a challenging situation is to take your own pulse first. This means considering first how you are doing yourself. Do not neglect your own self care.
Research has demonstrated that kids can cope well with even the most horrendous circumstances when their parents are coping well. If you are highly anxious, your kids will sense it and act out your anxieties one way or another. It is okay to feel anxious, but keep your strongest, most negative emotional reactions for private times with your spouse or trusted friend as much as you can. Express confidence in front of your children about the effectiveness of your own family’s capacity to handle the current changes.
Also, regarding all the “scary” information out there, people of all ages should limit their exposure to the news and only rely on reliable sources.
See Beyond:
How can we establish a peaceful atmosphere in our home when our family is on top of each other—stuck in the same 4 walls day after day?
Dr. Maureen:
Yes, this is perhaps the biggest challenge for many of us. I have several suggestions.
First, keep in mind that it is normal to have increased tension, conflict, and misbehavior when there are big changes in our routines and when we live in crowded conditions. Anticipate it and predict it for your children. Give up your need for perfection. Spouses will have more conflict with each other and so will siblings. When it happens in your home, say to yourself, “This is to be expected.” Consider it a signal that there are some issues or concerns to address.
Second, if your children are old enough, invite them to help you to problem solve. Including them in the effort to find solutions teaches them an important life skill and also increases their ownership in the solutions you choose. A fun strategy children, even as young as 5, can participate in is mind mapping for problem solving. It is a simple and straightforward strategy that can be used to address all kinds of issues. See mind maps for kids for a clear description of how to do it. Parents have the final say, of course, about which solutions to choose, but inviting kids to have their say will go a long way to engage their cooperation. Make a plan and reevaluate it after a couple of days to determine whether any changes are needed.
Third, if possible, given your living situation, set aside certain designated times and areas of your living space for quiet times and spaces. Teachers do this all the time in their busy classrooms with 30 children. Chances are good that you can, too, even if your space is small. For example, can a corner of a larger room be reserved for silent (noise-free), undisturbed activity? Mark it off with a rug or a bookshelf.
Photo by Dhaya Eddine Bentaleb on Unsplash
See Beyond:
What tips or resources do you have for our kids’ quiet times or play times at home?
Dr. Maureen:
Consider these tips from Ohio State University’s Wexner Medical Center:
Create Activity Stations: Set up your own craft and hobby stations just by putting the supplies for some activity in a container where the kids can reach them.
Rotate Toys and Activities: Instead of having all the toys and activities available to the kids at all times, keep some locked away somewhere, and rotate them out to keep your kids from getting bored.
Set up a snack and drink station: Do this with activities, household tasks, or chores that they can own. If they are older, build details—like taking the lead on cooking dinner—into their daily schedule, so they know what to expect and when.
Here are some other ideas:
You can host a virtual play date.
If you need to “get out,” you can try one of these 30 virtual tours at a renowned museum, zoo, or theme park!
Or, did you know that Audible is offering FREE access to kids’ books during the pandemic? You can browse their huge selection here.
See Beyond:
Wow! These are fun, practical ideas. I can’t wait to get started.
I have to confess that these past weeks have felt chaotic and out of control in our house. Talking to you gives me hope and encouragement. I have a choice. I can be intentional about creating a peaceful and safe home environment and by setting up a good routine and structure to help me and my kids stay sane.
I think I believe now that it’s possible to have healthy and happy kids (and parents!)—even in lockdown!
Thank you, Dr. Maureen!
