Goals—What Happens If You Get Stuck?

Photo by Aubrey Odom on Unsplash

In our Western culture, the idea of setting goals is deeply ingrained in us. 

As a little girl, I was encouraged to save money for college—to set a goal of having a certain amount in the bank by the time I graduated from high school. I was motivated by those around me to set career goals at an early age and to begin looking at universities while I was still in kindergarten. Well, not exactly, but you know what I mean!

Our society tells us we have to set goals. 

It’s not okay to not have a goal. You need an objective—a target to attain—and you are a failure if you don’t succeed.

If only it was that easy.

Right now, two of my grown children are “stuck.” They are still trying to figure out their futures, their life goals, what they really want, where they want to go, and how to get there.

They need help.

Where’s the Road Map?

We all have some experience setting goals, but we don’t always know how to get there. We can often identify what we want, where we want to go, what we want to do, who we want to be, but we don’t always have the road map to get there.

We get stuck—stuck in pursuing our goals. 

When we get stuck, we become paralyzed. We stop moving forward and, without momentum, we often give up. We don’t know how to take the next steps forward, so we just don’t take them. 

We throw in the towel.

A Conversation

What if there was a road map—not on a piece of paper, but in a conversation? 

What if there was someone who could walk alongside us in our journey, someone who could listen to our heart and hear our goals, our dreams, our ambitions? What if there was someone who could help us process our life story and figure out the next steps to take towards reaching our lifelong dreams? What if there was someone who could cheer us on and encourage us in our process of attaining our goals and being the person we were created to be, doing what we were called to do? 

This person is a coach. This “road map” is a coaching conversation. 

Coaching has changed my life and the lives of many others I know—including those whom I have coached.

I have been stuck in pursuit of my personal goals more than once—goals for my personal life, goals for my family, goals for my work. 

Coaching is the one thing that has been effective in getting me “unstuck.”

Photo by Marcelo Novais on Unsplash

New Awareness

Coaching is all about asking powerful questions that come out of profound listening—questions to help us gain new awareness of our situation, our story, our journey. 

I like to think of coaching as orbiting my situation and looking at it from new and different angles. It’s as if the coach’s questions lift me out of the muck and mire, out of the quicksand in which I have been standing. I can begin to see where I am and where I want to be, where I want to go. I start to see the narrow dirt path under all the overgrown weeds and foliage. Sometimes, I’m even surprised to see that there are multiple paths and that I have choices and options in my journey.

New awareness comes.

Here’s an example of a few coaching questions with someone who feels stuck in her progress with language learning. Notice the coachee’s new awareness as the coach asks questions.

Coach: How is the pacing of your studies impacting your learning? 

Coachee: The pacing is way too much for my life stage with little kids at home right now. I end up crying at the end of each day and have so little motivation and hope with all that’s going on. 

Coach: How is your high relational strength being used in your language learning? 

Coachee: Oh, gosh! Actually, it’s not being used at all. I really need to incorporate more of my longing for casual relationships—not just for language, but for my overall well-being. I love being with people, and I need to use that desire and gifting more in my learning. 

Coach: What are some things you love to learn? 

Coachee:  I love learning about cooking and crafts. My language classes are all around grammar. I get so bored just studying Arabic grammar and memorizing verb conjugations and random vocabulary words. It’s so draining! Maybe I could use my hobbies and my relationships to help me learn Arabic.

New awareness, new perspective, new insight is happening. Can you feel the coachee beginning to get unstuck?

Forward Movement

Coaching is an intentional conversation that uses powerful questions to provoke new awareness. This conversation always ends with action steps to move us forward. It’s not just talking and processing and staying where we are. Rather, it’s about seeing the next step on the road map toward our goals and committing to take it.

Every coaching session ends with action steps that you’ve created, ones that are right-sized for you—ones that you can actually make progress on before meeting with your coach again. You also state your action steps out loud to your coach, which creates a sense of commitment and a notion of accountability.

From the example coaching conversation above about language learning, notice how each of these action steps came out of the person’s new awareness as a result of the coach’s powerful questions.  

1. I will meet with my language helper once a week for 90 minutes while my kids are with my house helper.

2. I will take my kids with me to have tea and conversation with a local friend once a week. 

3. I will watch the “Choumicha” cooking show once a week (with my kids) to work on my Arabic listening skills. Maybe I’ll even try the new Moroccan recipe after a visit to the local market for some more language practice!

Moroccan Salad Photo by Louis Hansel @shotsoflouis on Unsplash

Look at that! She’s no longer stuck. She has a plan with specific steps to create momentum and to propel her forward towards her goals.

In addition to processing and gaining new awareness, in addition to setting clear action steps, we can also gain a companion in the coaching process. Our coaches often become friends, cheerleaders on the sidelines of our lives. Coaches celebrate our victories with us and help us get up when we fall down and become discouraged on our journey. 

Do you need someone to walk alongside you as a coach? I know that I do. I also know people who need someone to walk alongside them. 

One of my sons is now 20 years old and just completed two years at his university. He’s still trying to figure out what kind of future he really wants and what his next steps should be. Should he return to his university and complete his Bachelor’s Degree, or should he take a gap year and work, or . . . ? He’s a bit lost and confused. 

He’s stuck.

I think it’s time to sit down for a cup of coffee and have a conversation with my son. Hopefully, my coaching questions can help lift him out of the mud, help him to orbit his current situation, gain new awareness and fresh perspective, and see where he is, where he wants to go, and the next steps forward.

What about you? How are you doing on your goals?