How Do I Transition Well? Coaching Can Help
Photo by Lance Asper on Unsplash
My life just got flipped upside down! Bags packed. Keys turned in. Resignation letter signed. Airplane boarded.
I’m back in that “liminal space”—that awkward, uncomfortable, unwanted, unknown space.
I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know what I’m doing.
Sometimes, I don’t even know who I am.
Transition.
There are lots of reasons that our lives can be changed in a matter of seconds.
Devastating medical reports, kids not adjusting well, war and natural disasters, aging parents on the other side of the sea, security concerns, closed borders due to pandemics, a company letter announcing that you were laid off . . . the list goes on and on . . .
We didn’t see it coming. We didn’t expect it. We weren’t prepared. We didn’t ask for it.
Transition.
An All-Too-Familiar Story
“I feel stuck, overwhelmed, lost. Everything feels out of control.”
Those words, those feelings . . . all too familiar.
Transition.
Everything she said confirmed where she was on her life journey. The crossroads, the bend in the road, it was right there before her.
“Insecure, out of touch, drowning.”
Life had been good. Things had felt normal. Her world had seemed stable.
Until they had to leave, for multiple reasons, and their whole world turned upside down.
I could remember one of my coaching classes on transition, “Coaching Life and Leadership Transitions,” with Dr. Terry Walling, author of Stuck! Navigating the Transitions of Life and Leadership. He encouraged us to listen for certain key words that could indicate that someone was going through transition:
restlessness
confusion
self-doubt
lack of motivation
paralysis/inactivity
prolonged uncertainty
shock
disorientation
fear
isolation
loss
Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash
Normalizing
“What you’re feeling is normal. What you’re experiencing is normal.”
I could see her facial expression relax through the screen.
One of the first things we feel when we are going through transition is that we are alone, experiencing unusual and abnormal things. We feel like nobody could possibly understand or relate to the chaos of emotions going on in our hearts and minds.
“Normal.”
What a relief to hear that simple word.
“You’re going through a transition.”
“Transition. Yes, that’s it.”
“Now you have something to call it, so you can understand the stage of life you’re in. Once you know what’s happening inside you and around you, you can begin to make sense of it and move forward.”
Not one transition, but two, three . . .
“And you have the challenge of multiple transitions happening all at once. Let’s explore those.”
She began to name off all the different aspects of transition that were colliding at the same time in her life and in her family.
Geographic move, language, culture, job change, organization change, family stages. There they were, laid out on the table before her, one after another . . . layer upon layer.
Photo by Peter Herrmann on Unsplash
Powerful Questions
To begin exploring together some of her feelings, I asked her some questions. I used the same words she had expressed so that they resonated with where she was.
Restlessness: How long has this restlessness been going on? What do you think is causing it?
Confusion: What do you think is confusing in your life?
Lack of motivation: What do you think is stealing your motivation?
Feeling “stuck”: What might be causing you to feel “stuck”?
Uncertainty: What is contributing to your feelings of uncertainty?
Just sharing her story, just processing her thoughts and emotions out loud began to unravel the knotted ball of “life.”
The benefits of telling one’s story are already powerful in and of themselves, and sometimes just hearing oneself talk and speak out can begin to unlock doors of understanding. The simple act of telling one’s story can bring clarity in moments of chaos and confusion.
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A Helpful Visual
The more she shared, the more she talked, the more I kept seeing that napkin image in my mind.
“May I share something with you?”
“Yes, of course.”
Through a screen, it was a bit more challenging. I was not sitting across from the table with my coaching client at a quaint coffeehouse. I did not have a blank, white napkin and a black Sharpie pen to draw with. I could not make four neat quadrants on the little square and label the different stages of transition.
Rather, I drew the figure quickly on a piece of paper and held it up to my computer’s camera. Little by little, we walked through the four sections of the image.
We looked at the four stages of the transition cycle, as outlined by Dr. Walling in his book, Stuck! Navigating the Transitions of Life and Leadership.
Entry
Evaluation
Alignment/Surrender
Direction
After explaining each of the stages to her, I asked, “Where do you identify yourself right now on that transition cycle?”
“Between entry and evaluation.”
“Ah, that’s called the waterline. It’s the place where you feel like you’re drowning. At least we know where you are on the journey, and we know where you are going. Let’s explore this together . . . “
Are you going through your own life transition? Is your work, family, job, location, language, culture, or anything else disrupted?
Do you feel confused, isolated, doubtful? Do you feel stuck or like you’re drowning?
See Beyond wants to come alongside you, journey with you on the road of transition, and help you navigate and make sense of your liminal space. We would love to help bring some clarity to your road and help you get “unstuck.”
Sign up here for a free Discovery coaching call with a certified coach. If you are interested in seeing what coaching is like, you can watch this demonstration video.
“Every transition begins with an ending. We have to let go of the old things before we can pick up the new—not just outwardly, but inwardly.”
— William Bridges, Managing Transitions
The Good Realities of Transitions
As we continued to meet for coaching every few weeks to walk through her transition, it was evident that hope was rising.
Clarity was coming. Motivation was returning. Despair was lightening. Lessons were being learned. Peace was prevailing.
Transitions take time. Don’t rush them. We may miss out on important life lessons on the journey.
Transitions are common and normal. Everyone goes through life transitions. It is a part of the human cycle.
Transitions often involve difficult moments and struggles. Don’t despair when things get hard. This is a part of the journey, and you will get to the other side.
Transitions come to an end! That is the best news ever, especially when you feel “stuck” in the muddled, messy middle. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you will arrive there eventually. Hold on for the ride!
