Talking to Yourself is More Powerful Than You Think
Photo by Keegan Houser on Unsplash
“Are you talking to yourself?” my husband asked me as he walked into the kitchen.
“Yes,” I replied. “I need to process some things out loud.”
I’m not the only one in my family who talks to himself. My youngest son is constantly telling stories out loud and talking to his imaginary friend.
I guess we are both verbal processors.
Not Just for Verbal Processors
What if hearing our own voice and our own story isn’t just powerful for verbal processors? What if hearing ourselves say something out loud deeply impacts and influences all of us?
We have already explored the power of telling one’s own story—the release and freedom that comes when we have an empathetic listener in front of us. Our bottled-up story inside of us finally gets uncapped and comes gushing out! It feels so good! Sometimes, simply telling the story is helpful and can be healing.
However, what if hearing our own story is also a part of the journey? What if listening to our own voice and our own words is where new awareness and discovery can take place?
I realize that not everyone likes to talk to themselves out loud, like I do. In that case, you could listen to yourself tell your own story as you share it with another person.
Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash
Hearing Our Own Voice
I started asking myself these questions about the “power of hearing one’s own story” during a recent online coaching training.
Our trainer was leading us in a group activity. She asked us all to mute ourselves, but to keep our video cameras on.
“You need to hear yourselves talk and process this,” she explained.
“This is a bit weird,” I thought. “I’m used to talking to myself, but this feels awkward.”
The trainer then proceeded to ask us a series of questions.
Muted, we each talked to our computer screen. We could only hear our own voices and the voice of our trainer saying, “Hmmm. . . hmmm . . .” while she smiled and nodded her head.
No one could hear us . . . no one . . . except ourselves.
We were talking to ourselves. Our voices and our stories weren’t falling on deaf ears. The words were falling on our own listening ears!
It was a powerful experience as we listened to our own voices and our own stories—gaining fresh insight, new perspective, and deep discoveries.
We un-muted ourselves and returned to the group discussion.
“What was that experience like for you?” our trainer asked us.
We each proceeded to share how powerful and impactful the conversation had been. The conversation with whom? With ourselves!
This experience seemed to equally impact the verbal processors—like me—and the internal processors who may not be in the habit of talking out loud to themselves.
The Benefits of Hearing Our Own Voice
According to experts like Dr. Jessica Nicolosi, a clinical psychologist based in New York, it’s completely normal to talk to ourselves. It’s something we do all the time—whether out loud or just inside our heads.
There seem to be greater benefits when we speak to ourselves out loud—when we hear our own voices and our own stories.
“If we speak out loud, it forces us to slow down our thoughts and process them differently because we engage the language centers of our brain,” explains Dr. Nicolosi. “By talking to ourselves we become more deliberate, and this creates a slower process to think, feel and act, instead of being bombarded by our thoughts.”
Hearing our own voices and words can help us better process our emotions.
“Consider the act a sort of ‘spoken journal to yourself,’’’ says Dr. Don Vaughn, a neuroscientist who studies human behavior.
He goes on to say that verbal processing can also help expedite and cement understanding on a topic. For example, if we are new to learning Arabic, studies show that we will accelerate our understanding and retention of the language, if we talk out loud to ourselves while studying. Let’s try it and see!
Photo by Garidy Sanders on Unsplash
Listening Leads to Self-Awareness
Dr. Julia Harper, an occupational therapist and life coach, emphasizes the importance of listening to ourselves—paying attention to what we are saying. She refers to “self-listening” as “self-awareness.”
“It’s important to note that talking to yourself is a two-part process: the talking and the listening,” says Dr. Harper.
During one of my recent coaching sessions with a client*, it was fascinating to witness her new discovery and self-awareness.
At the end of our time together, I asked her what the highlight of our conversation was.
“Was there anything that stood out to you? Perhaps something you hadn’t thought about before or perhaps something you heard yourself say . . . a new insight?” I asked her.
“Yes,” she replied. “When I was explaining my situation and the conversation that I had with my friend, I heard myself say, ‘flourish’ several times. I didn’t notice it until I heard myself say it, but that is really important to me. I want to flourish.”
Wow! There was power in hearing her own words, her own voice, her own story.
(*Story used with permission.)
“Hearing our own voices and words can help us better process our emotions.”
Hearing Someone Reflect Back Our Story
As her coach, I picked up on the word, “flourish.” She had said it several times.
“Flourish,” I said and left silence for her to hear it and to reflect.
“Say more about that word,” I prompted her.
She went on to share what words and images that one single word evoked in her.
I used intentional, other-centered listening, trying to listen from her shoes, from her perspective.
When she was done processing what the word meant to her, I reflected back to her what I had heard.
“Flourish, flourish—‘Yes, this is it!’ ‘Sunflowers, my face to the sun,’ ‘Happy,’ ‘At peace,’ ‘Fulfilled,’ ‘Doing the things I’m created to do.’ Those are powerful words,” I said, sharing with her what I had captured her saying.
This type of reflective listening—reflecting back to someone what you hear them say—taps into the person’s mirror neurons. It’s like smiling at a baby who then smiles back at us. When we use reflective listening, we hold up a mirror for someone. This allows them to “see” themselves in the mirror and to “hear” what they are saying. It solidifies their learning, discovery, and self-awareness.
Oh, the power of hearing our own voices, our own words, our own stories.
The next time my husband says, “Are you talking to yourself?” I will just smile at him and say, “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am! I am writing a ‘spoken journal.’ It’s normal, and it’s healthy. I’m solidifying and expediting my learning. I am also listening to myself, which is leading to greater self-awareness. You should try it sometime!”
Guest author, Marci Renée, along with her French husband and four boys, is a global nomad who has traveled to more than 30 countries and has lived in the United States, France, Morocco, and Spain. She loves to travel, speak foreign languages, experience different cultures, eat ethnic foods, meet people from faraway lands, and of course, write and tell stories. She is a published author of children's picture books, memoirs, short stories, and poetry.
You can find Marci and her books on her website.
"The Cultural Story-Weaver," at www.culturalstoryweaver.com