Where are You in the Transition Cycle?
Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash
We were meeting through a computer screen for the first time. I didn’t know my new client at all, but I was eager to hear her story. We lived in different countries—different continents. An ocean separated us.
She began to tell her story. Her narrative began to unfold. Her messy ball of yarn began to untangle. Even across the miles, even across the ocean that separated us . . . her story connected us.
Oh, the power of telling one’s story! It’s powerful for the storyteller. It's powerful for the listener.
There were certain words she kept repeating—words like “confused,” “restless,” “doubtful,” “uncertain,” “unmotivated,” “lost,” and “lonely.” *
I recognized these words. I’d felt them too—in multiple seasons of my life.
As she talked, there was a theme that kept repeating, a theme that seemed to be woven throughout her story.
TRANSITION.
Although she didn’t say it, I heard the word. I felt the word.
“It sounds like you might be going through a significant life transition,” I said.
She paused, thought, then nodded and said, “I didn’t realize it before, but I think that’s what is happening.” *
No, she wasn’t going through a geographical move from the United States to Tunisia, she wasn’t graduating from college and trying to find a real job, she wasn’t getting married or having a baby . . . but she was in transition . . . a major life transition.
(*Compiled story)
Asilah Sunset Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash
“The Napkin Exercise”
I had taken a coaching certification class called “Transitions” with Dr. Terry Wailing, author of “Stuck.” I remembered learning about the “napkin exercise”—a tool to help people going through a transition. He suggested getting out a napkin or piece of paper and drawing a circle divided by a quadrant.
Each of the quadrants represents one of the stages of the “Transition Life Cycle.”
Entry—A transition begins.
Evaluation—You ask yourself, “What in the world is going on here?"
Alignment—This is a place of surrender and seeing things more clearly.
Direction—You begin to see a way forward.
I drew and labeled the diagram and then asked my client to do the same. We didn’t have any napkins handy, so we used a piece of small, blank white paper.
I then asked her a simple question . . .
“In this transition you’re going through, where do you think you are on this circle?”
She pointed to the quadrant labeled “Evaluation.” *
My question and her answer opened the door to new awareness and discovery for her about her journey.
Yep! She was on the “transition bridge.”
In looking at the napkin, she realized that she had actually been in transition for a while—she just hadn’t realized it.
The Entry stage of her transition had actually begun months ago—nearly one year ago—when she had first started questioning if she should stay in the country where she was living and working.
Her past and recent feelings of uncertainty, doubt, restlessness, and confusion were all a part of her being in the Evaluation stage of her transition. She was clearly asking herself, “What in the world is going on here?”
Her road seemed dark and foggy.
She didn’t have all of the answers to her questions, but that little diagram on that piece of white paper began to show her that answers, clarity, and direction were coming her way soon. That last stage of the “Transition Life Cycle” was just around the corner.
Eventually, she would see the light at the end of the tunnel—the long tunnel of transition.
(*Compiled story, shared with permission)
Normalizing Transition
Sometimes, it is enough for a person to simply discover that they are in a transition. Sometimes, it is enough to know that the wrestling, restlessness, and confusion in a person’s heart and mind are just a part of normal life—a part of life’s change.
It can be helpful to “name” it for them.
“Give a name to what they are experiencing—‘TRANSITION’! Letting someone know that they aren’t going crazy may be the best thing you can do to help a person.”
— Dr. Walling
Dr. Daniel Siegel, author and psychiatrist, coined the expression, “Name it to tame it.”
By naming it, a person begins to realize that they aren’t alone, that they are “normal,” that others go through the transition life cycle too. They are reassured and comforted in knowing that they are okay and that they are going to make it through to the other side.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
A Hopeful New Awareness
The question I asked my client was simple, yet it had a profound impact on her. The drawing of the circle with four quadrants on that little white piece of paper (or that tiny paper napkin) was also simple, yet thought-provoking.
“In this transition you’re going through, where do you think you are on this circle?”
My question, coupled with her reflection and her answer, opened the door to new awareness and discovery for her.
The place where she was stuck in her life suddenly became “unstuck.”
She identified what was happening in her life. She was going through a life transition.
She discovered where she was on the “Transition Life Cycle”—the Evaluation stage.
She explored new ways to move forward through the cycle.
She realized that her transition would eventually come to an end and that she would survive.
She gained new hope that she could even thrive through this transition and learn a lot of valuable life lessons along the way.
Wow! Little did we both know that day how useful and powerful a little piece of paper could be!
What about you? Are you perhaps going through a life transition—or someone else you know? Try using the “napkin exercise” to identify where you might be on the cycle.
Guest author, Marci Renée, along with her French husband and four boys, is a global nomad who has traveled to more than 30 countries and has lived in the United States, France, Morocco, and Spain. She loves to travel, speak foreign languages, experience different cultures, eat ethnic foods, meet people from faraway lands, and of course, write and tell stories. She is a published author of children's picture books, memoirs, short stories, and poetry.
You can find Marci and her books on her website.
"The Cultural Story-Weaver," at www.culturalstoryweaver.com