Hiding Emotions—How to Remove the Mask
Photo by Julian Wan on Unsplash
“Everybody smile for the camera!” I yelled.
Our family was recently exploring a nearby town. I thought it would be a good idea to take a family photo of everyone in a scenic spot to remember our fun outing.
“We are smiling, but you can’t tell!” my youngest son yelled back at me in a distant, muffled voice from underneath his face mask.
I laughed with him, suddenly realizing again that everyone was wearing a mask that covered three-fourths of their face. No one could see what lay below the area extending from the bottom of their eyes to just underneath their chins.
It didn’t matter if the mask was colored “medical blue” or covered in bright flowers, tiger paws, plaid squares, or swirling paisleys.
No one could see behind the mask.
Comfort in Hiding
It’s now been six months of wearing a face mask whenever I go out in public. It’s probably been the same for you. (By the time you read this, it may even be longer!)
Face masks are actually becoming the new “fashion statement.” They can be found in every store—from the local supermarket to the fancy boutique uptown. They come in every color, shape, size, material, and style. You can be bold or discreet, polka-dotted or solid pastel . . . whatever your taste.
You get to choose the type of mask you wear each day. When you get dressed to begin your day, you can decide if you want to match and color-coordinate your mask with your clothes, or if you frankly don’t care what you look like.
In any case, after wearing them for so long, we have all become comfortable “behind the mask.”
Some people may even be relieved to cover up their faces in public, like a teenager struggling with acne or someone with another imperfection on his face.
Masks hide and cover up the blemishes that we don’t want the world to see.
I personally have become comfortable wearing my mask. Maybe you have, too.
If you are not someone who likes to express emotions to the world, the mask can also be very comfortable.
According to the New York Times, “Not everyone is an extroverted smiler, and some people find face coverings liberating. But masks not only hide grins; they can also make it harder for people to display a whole range of emotions including discomfort, dismay or disdain.”
Photo by Christian Gertenbach on Unsplash
The Types of Masks We Wear
What comes to mind when you hear the words, “face masks”?
With the current global pandemic, we most likely think of the physical masks we are being forced to wear to protect ourselves physically from a deadly virus. However, before the Coronavirus hit and rocked our world, many of us were already wearing masks in public.
We may wear a smile to mask our sadness.
We may wear joy to mask our grief.
We may wear anger to mask our fear and anxiety.
We may wear pride to mask our lack of self-confidence and our insecurities.
We may wear strength to mask our weaknesses.
“Just as actors wore masks in the ancient Greek theater to transform into different characters and roles, we wear ‘masks,’ in a metaphorical sense, to hide our true selves, thoughts, and emotions,” said Elaine Dundon, founder of the Global Meaning Institute and author of three bestselling books on Meaning and Innovation.
“To Live With Meaning, Shed Your Masks!”
Are you hiding your emotions behind a mental mask?
Could talking to a professional help you process your emotions?
Learning to Wear Masks
Some of the masks we wear may also have been worn by our parents and grandparents. We may have inherited our masks from the generations before us.
“Hand-me-down Masks”!
If we grew up in a home where our family members didn’t easily express their feelings and emotions — due to innate personality or other learned character traits — we may have learned to do the same.
Whether it be in learning how to walk, how to cook, how to talk, or how to work on cars . . . we learn a lot from those who raised us. This includes how we express and wear our emotions.
Raised primarily by my mother—a very talkative and emotionally expressive person—I have learned to do the same. I am talkative and very expressive with my feelings.
No surprise.
My husband, on the other hand, grew up with parents who were not overtly expressive and communicative. As a result, that is his natural, learned behavior.
No surprise.
Throughout the years, my husband has had to learn how to feel and express a wide range of emotions.
He has had to learn how to remove his mask.
Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash
Removing the Mask
Living in North Africa, it’s hot — blazing hot!
On a recent walk, I thought I might suffocate underneath my mask. I was dripping with sweat, and my sunglasses were fogged up from the steam radiating off my face. I felt claustrophobic — like I couldn’t breathe.
Thankfully, there weren’t too many people around — no police on “mask patrol.” I quickly removed my mask and took in a few deep breaths of fresh air.
It felt so good, so freeing, so liberating to take off my mask!
But, how do we learn to remove our masks when we have become so comfortable wearing them?
1. Get to know yourself. Wearing metaphorical masks keeps us out of touch with our own feelings and our authentic selves. Try removing your mask and taking a good, long look at yourself in the mirror. You could use a self-guide such as “The Colors of Emotions” Reflection Guide to begin to explore and unlock your true feelings.
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”
— Aristotle
2. Explore and process your emotional history. Try to understand why you may express or not express your emotions. Try to identify the masks you wear and the incidents that may have led you to start wearing them. If it’s safe, talk openly with your family members about the “emotional culture” in your home and your family background.
3. Find a safe and trusted person with whom you can be real and transparent. Look for a friend or family member who can journey with you as you learn to remove your mask. If you don’t have someone that you can trust and feel safe with, then find a life coach, debriefer, or personalized care provider.
4. Be willing to take risks. This reflective process will require a leap of faith as you learn to remove the mask, the barrier, that you have been wearing for a long time — maybe since childhood. You may feel naked, at first, as you gradually strip off your mask to create greater intimacy and authenticity with yourself and others.
5. Explore emotions through fun and games. Play “Emotional Charades” or “Pictionary” with a group of friends or family members. Look at the “Emotions Chart” and test out expressing different feelings through facial expressions or drawings. What does it look and feel like to express anger, happiness, fear, jealousy, embarrassment, and pride? Intentionally notice what it feels like. You may discover that it feels good to openly express feelings of joy, peace, excitement, etc. — allowing others to see and share your emotions.
Everybody Smile!
“Everybody smile for the camera!” I yelled.
“We are smiling, but you can’t tell!” my youngest child screamed back at me in a distant, muffled voice from underneath his face mask.
I laughed. We all laughed.
“Well, then, take off your masks!” I shouted back to them across the distance that separated us.
Each one removed their face mask for a brief moment and smiled widely.
As I took the picture, I shouted, “Wow, what a beautiful group of people! I love to see all of your smiles!”
I noticed, then, that I was smiling too.
