What is My Window of Tolerance and How Can it Help Me Regulate?
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A toddler flails around and screams…
A trafficked young woman stares out the window, numb…
A mom scans the park incessantly for any dangers, even when no one else sees any…
A little boy rolls up in a ball, hiding in the corner…
A postal worker struggles through a panic attack…
What do these scenarios have in common? They are all indicators that the person is dysregulated. Each of them are beyond their ability to be calm, engaged, and present with reality.
It’s normal to feel more alert and active during certain times of the day. I’m “ready to go” early in the morning, but after 9 p.m., all I want to do is sleep! This is how we all function. We have times when we are more alert and able to be active and times when our energy level is low. We rise and fall in our alertness throughout our days and weeks, but still manage relatively well even at the lower end of our alertness.
The Two Types of Dysregulation
Sometimes, however, we get to high levels of activation that take us beyond functioning well. We may become anxious, panicked, or even aggressive. We’re no longer calm, cool, collected, and able to connect well with others. Our heart races, our breathing becomes more rapid, and we might start to shake or sweat. This is referred to as HYPERactivation or HYPERarousal in clinical settings.
Conversely, we can also become unfocused, lethargic, numb, shut down, out of body, or depressed. Our bodies have lost energy, our heart rate and breathing slow, and we don’t feel much sensation in our bodies. This is called HYPOactivation or HYPOarousal.
When we enter these high or low states of activation, we no longer function normally. We aren’t able to relate well with others, and we certainly don’t feel at ease in our own bodies.
Going high or low in our activation is a normal way our body responds to threats or dangers. We might think that what we are facing when our bodies are at “too high” or “too low” levels of activation doesn’t seem like it’s dangerous. Often, though, our bodies are reacting to implicit or unconscious memories from the past when something similar did feel dangerous. Like muscle memory, our implicit memories wordlessly remember past dangers and automatically get triggered, even when our adult mind knows the current situation is not a true threat. Our implicit memory is still trying to keep us safe.
Photo by Hailey Kean on Unsplash
How Does the Window of Tolerance Work?
To function well, we need to be in our “Window of Tolerance”—a term coined by Daniel Siegel. It’s a window or space in which we can be more or less activated, and in which we can tolerate the experiences of everyday life well.
Some experts refer to windows being narrow or wide, while others talk about moving above or below your window, which is a reference to it being a short or tall window. Whatever orientation the metaphor uses, the concept remains the same. One person may be able to experience more diversity of experiences and still function and stay within their Window of Tolerance. Others may experience the same event, but it takes them outside their Window of Tolerance.
The normal response to threats is to go to the high or low end of this spectrum, and likely move out of one’s Window of Tolerance.
What makes some people's Window of Tolerance more narrow?
Many things can affect this, including past experiences—especially experiences of trauma. Trauma teaches us we are not safe. It teaches the body that it needs to be hyper-vigilant, or conversely, that it’s better off being in a “shut down” mode. These reactions may have helped the person at the time of the trauma, but unless fully processed, the body holds onto those initially helpful responses—even when they are no longer needed.
We can learn how to get back into our window of tolerance when we’ve moved out of it. We can also learn, with help, how to widen our window of tolerance after trauma. Practices that decrease stress like mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, noticing our physical surroundings, and movement are all very helpful. It can take time to learn which practices help you move back into your window.
Remember our trafficked young woman, the little boy, and the postal worker from the beginning of this article? They are all outside of their Window of Tolerance—all more or less dysregulated. Learning to sense when we are in our window and when we are out is the first step toward taking action to move back into our window. Understanding where we are helps us know if we need to move toward more calm or be a bit more activated so we can be in that sweet spot of the Window of Tolerance.
Want to download a free copy of the Windows of Tolerance chart? Click here.
Want to learn more? Watch this introduction to the Window of Tolerance.