How to Use Draft Thinking to Communicate Better

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What comes to mind when you hear the word “draft”? 

Personally, I think of writing.

It takes me straight back to the good ole’ days of my high school English classes, when we had to write rough drafts of our writing compositions. We had to turn in a rough draft for approval by our teacher and initial feedback before proceeding. Then we would begin the process of gradually editing, refining, and polishing our messy work into a fine-tuned final draft to submit to our teacher for scrutiny and evaluation . . . and a big, fat, capitalized letter in red ink!

I certainly don’t think about marriage when I hear the word “draft.”

Well, not until I was in a recent Navigating Desires & Decisions in Marriage training (NDDM) session, and the training facilitator with See Beyond mentioned “draft thinking.”

Messy Conversations

I have been in the middle of many messy, and potentially conflictual, team meetings when we were trying to talk through solutions and make decisions together. It was important to clarify for everyone that we were in the stage of “brainstorming” or “green lighting.” This indicated that we were openly throwing out ideas and possibilities. No decisions were being made. However, if it wasn’t clear to everyone involved, things could quickly escalate!

During the NDDM session, we were in the middle of an exercise where we were learning a new communication skill for marriage. It entailed taking a topic of conversation and then opening the floor for the exploration of ideas and creative thinking between the husband and wife on the subject at hand. 

The facilitator mentioned that she and her husband had been helped by the idea of “draft thinking.” 

“Sometimes I’ll share an idea like grocery shopping tomorrow morning, and my husband thinks it’s a decision. That’s no big deal sometimes, but at other times, it causes us lots of conflict. One thought it was a decision, and the other didn’t. Now, we try to assume it’s a ‘draft,’ or at least ask each other if X is a decision or not.”

Draft thinking.

The expression struck me in a good place. I liked it.

Why? Because I like to brainstorm, generate ideas, and create messy “drafts” in my thinking and verbal processing. That’s my personality. That’s how I’m wired.

But that’s not the case for everyone. That’s not the case for my husband.

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Press the Button!

If the person we’re talking with—our spouse, friend, teammate, employee—doesn’t know that we are in “draft thinking” mode, communication can become blurred with confusion and unmet expectations.

Often, with my husband, I spit out a million ideas a minute on a topic. When I get to one that I really like, I might camp there for a while and talk strongly about it. For example, if we are discussing where we want to travel on our next vacation, I may throw out a lot of different ideas—Marrakech, Essouria, Chefchouen, Djerba, Bizerte. Perhaps I begin talking in more depth about the Chefchouen possibility, bringing up a lot of details and strong arguments for that option.  

If my husband doesn’t know that I’m still in “draft thinking” mode and that the strongly suggested idea was only that—a suggestion—then he can easily misinterpret my idea as a “done deal” or a decision on the matter.

Later on, he may take action on that idea and book a hotel in Chefchouen, thinking that it was a final decision—much to my surprise!

I forgot to sound the “draft thinking” alarm and let my husband know that I was only “draft thinking”!

This can lead to further confusion, conflict, and miscommunication in our relationship.

I can remember this happening once as I led a work team. One day, we were talking about our upcoming project launch. During our meeting, I was in “draft thinking” mode, but I didn’t tell my colleagues that. I assumed they knew that we were all just brainstorming around the table—not making decisions.

From that meeting, the team took my numerous ideas and began implementing them immediately! I was shocked and surprised by their actions, not understanding why they had moved ahead on something without my authorization and input. 

After some heated conversations and moments of intense conflict, I realized what was happening. 

My team thought that I had given them all those “draft thinking” ideas as tasks to do for the project launch. They thought I was a tyrant, demanding too many things, and I thought they were rebellious and moving ahead without my leadership.

I forgot to sound the “draft thinking” alarm and let my teammates know that I was only “draft thinking”!

Photo by Victoriano Izquierdo on Unsplash

Avoiding Confusion and Miscommunication

1. Openly use the expression “draft thinking.” 

If you are in a brainstorming time with your spouse, friend, or teammate, make that clear. State it. At the beginning of the conversation, say, “We are in ‘draft thinking’ mode.” That makes the expectations clear for everyone involved by saying upfront, “These are only ideas and suggestions. They are not decisions set in stone.”

2. Ask questions to clarify.

If you are in a discussion with someone, and you aren’t sure if it’s brainstorming or decision-making time . . . ask. 

“Is this ‘draft thinking’ or is this ‘decision-making’?” 

Or, at the end of the conversation, ask, “Was that only an idea, or was that a decision?”

3. Encourage “draft thinking” in the decision-making process.

In NDDM with See Beyond, we are learning how to give space to this creative exploration time of brainstorming as a couple. It’s a healthy way to gather new and emerging ideas (without judgment) before moving forward in the process of narrowing down the topic and finding a unified solution in decision making.

The University of Delaware describes “Rough Draft Thinking” as “talk to ‘work on understanding.’ Any time you’re trying to understand a concept, talking it through can help.”

“Draft Thinking” can be used in all of our relationships. Teachers, for example, are finding it beneficial in classrooms.

Douglas Barnes describes “Rough Draft Thinking” as exploratory talk that allows learning through unfinished thinking and the revising of creative ideas. 

In allowing students to have “Rough Draft Thinking” sessions, teachers are witnessing a change in the classroom culture. Students are shifting “from a focus on performing correctness to a focus on learning . . . through communicating.”

“We humanize the classroom by releasing students from a burden, which is that the only way to make a contribution and be valuable to their classmates is to have the right answer quickly. Instead, in classrooms that invite rough draft thinking, more students’ ideas and ways of thinking become valuable to the class and more students become shared participants in the process of constructing ideas together.”

Whether it be in the classroom, in marriage, or in a team work meeting, let’s turn on the “draft thinking” switch and watch the creative juices flow. Just remember to state it clearly so that everyone knows we are only generating ideas during this conversation. No one is making a decision… yet!